“All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make, the better.”

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was inspired to write this post by Farnoosh Brock, who recently wrote about confidence. In her post, Farnoosh explained how confidence was the key attribute, which determined whether we would be able to achieve the lives we want.

I absolutely agreed, and reading her words inspired me to build upon her post, and share some of my views on confidence.

Our current situations

We’ve all experienced difficulties and challenges. For some of us, life may have been a struggle when we were growing up and continued as we matured into adults. For others, problems increased later on in life and continue to be a hindrance now.

Whatever point each of us start at, there comes a time when one decides that enough is enough. “I’ve suffered too long”, one might say. “They are to be an end.” Or to put it more accurately, there has to be a new start and so we seek out how to rise above our problems, so they cease to be problems.

We may get into self-development. We may seek out new friends who will help uplift us. We may find strength in spirituality.

Coming from a stuttering background, I had a number of problems when I was growing up. I had very low self-confidence.

However, I learnt how to rise above the problems and see the light that always shone inside me, and on me, but for so long seemed invisible.

Below are views, attitudes, approaches, and behaviours, which I have used personally to help rise up in the game of life and continue to do so.

Understanding that having confidence is not beyond you

Confidence does not belong to an elite clique of individuals.

If you are currently lacking confidence, are looking around you, and see others behaving confidently, and you’re believe you can’t be confident, then this is the big mistake. You have falsely led yourself into believing you can’t be confident.

A key thing to appreciate first is that confidence can be learnt.

Those people you see acting confidently most likely were not always like that (although that’s how it might appear). They became like that by practicing the same behaviours you’re seeing them do, again and again.

A lack of the confidence then has one big remedy.

This is action and the more fearful the action, the better it will be for you in the long run.

If you’re afraid of speaking in public, then join a public speaking group.

If you need to learn how to make cold calls for your job, then make extra calls to random companies over the weekend.

If you want to learn how to lead, then take a leadership course.

Keep doing the activity you find scary again and again until you achieve competency and mastery. Pretty soon your confidence will rise to a supreme level.

And it’s important to be calm and compassionate with yourself when you are working on your confidence. No beating up of self here. It just won’t help.

Take it from someone who has been there and done it, many, many times.

Also, remember that a lack of confidence at times is normal. This is another key point.

No one can be confident all the time. If we were, then we would be like robots programmed to be confident. A program keeps running and running. Humans in general are not like such robots, although we can come close, at times!

Having no shame for your actions

How many of you are feeling shameful for your actions? And these are actions where you haven’t even done anything wrong.

Quit the ‘shame game’.

Do what you need to do with your head held high. You are the King or Queen of your life, and go about your daily lives as such.

If you want to start up a business, and everyone around you thinks you’ve gone mad, then go ahead and do it, and let those others look on.

If you want to talk to that pretty girl smiling at you at the bar, and other people are around, ignore the fear in your mind, and step right over and say “hello”.

Perhaps you’ve always wanted to learn martial arts, and now believe you’re too old. No one is ever too old for self-defence, so go ahead and check out that local class.

If you’ve created someone pain, either emotionally or physically, then sure you should feel shame and guilt. I can appreciate this.

However, feeling shame for just existing and doing what humans do is something I can’t accept.

Never settle for mediocre

The amount of potential you can achieve is limitless. There is a core self inside you, which is indestructible. Sure you may be lacking some confidence at the moment. However, this is no reason to settle for second best.

Rise up in the game of life by working on your confidence. And as you do, remember to do so shamelessly, and keep ignoring the voice in your head that says “no”. As Rob White says, you have heard this “no” tens of thousands of times as a kid. It is now your job as a mature adult to keep ignoring this voice which stems from childhood, until it quietens and soon ceases to exist.

Your turn my friends

  • What activities do you do to help you rise up in the game of life?
  • What are you doing to increase your confidence?
  • Are you currently living your life without shame?
  • What can you do to improve your situation?
  • Please also share this post on your favourite social networks.

 

Photo Credit: ellavalentine