I was inspired to write this post by my friend Rob White, founder of Mindadventure.com and author of the book entitled A Second Chance at Success.

Life at times can feel like it’s littered with barriers. You may experience stress about one thing, or worry about another, yet frustration about something else. You may not be achieving the goals you want to.

In such circumstances it is very easy to blame everyone and everything (but you) for your problems.

Why is this easy to do?

Well for one, it takes minimal energy to do so. Just having a toxic thought about blaming someone in your mind and diverting this thought to an individual is easy.

“Oh my life is a misery”, you might say. And you use your mental energy to blame your brother for your issue. You’re not getting ahead at work and you blame a colleague.

You get the picture…

In fact, no one really caused your problems in the first place.

Your brother or colleague wasn’t getting in your way. You allowed yourself to get into your own way. Or to put even more frankly, you deluded yourself into believing this

Let’s look a little deeper into the truth of this.

How you are responsible for your problems

Below are some of the reasons to demonstrate how only we can be responsible for your problems:

1. Problems are inherent in our thoughts. As adults we have the capacity of think. We think and our bodies react. It was us who created the thoughts. They came from inside of us. In this case, how can we blame our issues on others who are not us? If they are not us, then they can’t have our thoughts. Only we can.

2. These thoughts don’t just stop there. You may then have further undesirable experiences and thoughts about this, and before you know it, layers of unhelpful thoughts have crystalised into beliefs about you. You may tell yourself things like “I’m a failure” or “I’m just destined to be miserable”.

3. You decided to blame others for your pain. Making decisions implies choice. As a mature adult, you chose to blame others.

4. In effect you allowed a false self, that is ego-centric to take over you, and it becomes so insecure, you mistake it for being who you are.

How to get out of your own way

1. Take complete responsibility for your thoughts. If you don’t believe you can, then read books, study successful people and realise others have also experienced what you have previously, and have been able to overcome their issues. Learn from other’s stories about how it was always themselves getting themselves in a rut.

2. Practice analysing your thoughts and what stimuli (either externally or through other thoughts) you have thoughts in response to. When you do this, notice who and where your thoughts are directed to, and study how these thoughts impacts how you feel. You will begin to understand that you and only you are creating your own reality. It’s a habitual cycle. Cycles by the very nature have numerous points where they can be broken. Here lies a solution to your problems. Break a cycle once and you begin to doubt the validity of the previous one. Continue to break the same cycle and pretty soon you will have developed a new way of living.

3. There is gap, which usually passes super fast in between having a thought and allow it to permeate your body and consciousness. Practice increasing this gap through silent observation and meditation. By doing so, you will then learn what you are doing to yourself. There is a structure to what is happening inside you.

4. By analysis, observation and meditation, you will begin develop the capacity of the true Self, or the observer that watches the chaos happening in you. By doing this you will begin to question and doubt the false ego that creates so much misery.

You only ever get in your own way

Probably the biggest belief that makes one so unhappy is that “I’m not good enough”. If you even sense such a thought arising switch it with one that will serve you better. They are your beliefs and they are your thoughts. Take control of these key aspects of yourself and allow that you to emerge, that is always there, but gets hidden by the layers of false negativity you have allowed yourself to buy into.

Friends, over to you

  • How do you get in own way?
  • What do you do to get the false self out of the way, so that the true you with the greatest of potential arises and operates in the world?
  • Please share your valuable views and experiences in the comments box below.
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Photo Credit: ednl