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How to Be a Quiet Person

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Do you find yourself always talking and not letting others get a word in? Do you often say things without thinking, when having a conversation, which ends up creating conflict? Would you like to take more time before responding to others, or appreciate the views of people, without always being right? If so, check out the following tips to help you be quieter:

Put yourself into other’s shoes

When you’re talking to another person, it can be easy to continue speaking, because you’re keen to say what you want to. By doing this however, you can forget that there is person in front of you, who is actually listening and wants to contribute to the discussion.

If you find yourself caught up in endless talking, mentally switch positions and put yourself into the shoes of the person you’re talking with. Now, look at yourself through the eyes of the other person. When you do this, how do you look when you see yourself chattering away?

This switch in perspective can help you to stop talking as much and allow the other person to speak, in order to create a more balance conversation.

Make an effort to pause

If you find it hard to stop talking, then make a conscious effort to pause for a few seconds before responding back to another person. By doing this, you’ll give your brain some more time to consider a thoughtful response rather than replying back in an impulsive way.

Stop interrupting people

When other people are talking, you might become compelled to have your say on a topic. Resist the urge to do so and allow the other person to finish what he/she has said before responding.

Channel your talking energy

Another technique you can use to say less, is to use the energy behind your wanting to speak a lot, to do other activities, like exercising, going for a stroll, listening to music or reading a book, or a blog.

Quieten your mind

Your thoughts can often be a precursor to your wanting to talk. Take out 5 minutes every day to meditate, focus on your breathing and observe your thoughts without reacting to them. By doing this, you will develop the ability to resist the urge to respond to those thoughts that would have resulted in you saying something.

Spend time with quiet people

Do you have a friend, a family member, or a colleague who you get on with, and is someone you would consider as being more quiet and thoughtful? If so, spend time with that person. By doing so, you will be able to notice his/her peaceful demeanour and get ideas on how you can adopt similar characteristics.

Soften your voice and speak slower

If you have a tendency to talk really loud then lower the volume of your speech. This will help you to sound quieter. Also, if the pace at which you talk is very fast, then slow down the delivery of your speech.

My friends, it’s over to you:

• Have you been trying to become quiet? If so, what ways have you been using to do so?
• Do you already consider yourself to be a quiet person? If so, what advice would you give to others who want to practice becoming quiet?
• Please share your valuable views, experiences and thoughts in the comments box below.
• Please also share this post on your favourite social networks. Thank you.

Photo Credit: Elliot Brown

About Author

Hiten VyasI am a Life Coach, Author & Speaker. Early on in my life I have experienced extreme amounts of fear and anxiety because of difficulties due to stammering. This pretty much crippled all aspects of my life. I entered the self-development field in 2003, and since then have changed myself into a successful individual. It is now my passion to help you overcome your own difficulties, and assist you in living the life you want and deserve. I'm the author of the eBooks entitled How to Deliver a High Impact Speech for Beginners, Lessons in Unassuming Leadership, How To Present With Confidence, Mindfulness Meditation For Everyone, Confidence With Women - How To Approach and Talk With Women, How To Overcome Job Interview Anxiety, How To Cold Call With Confidence and Say No To Exam Stress. All my eBooks are also available from Flipkart and Rockstand.in. I'm also the Founder and Managing Editor of the online magazine eBooks India.View all posts by Hiten Vyas →

  1. Harleena Singh
    Harleena Singh06-23-2013

    Hi Hiten,

    Good to be over at your blog, and I’m glad I made it just in time before I lose my connectivity once again due to my travelling and vacations :)

    Ah…I can relate to this one because I’m generally called a quiet person! I think those who are quiet, speak only when spoken to or when it’s required. They are generally called the ‘wise owls’ – a term I’ve so often heard.

    But you are right, because all these tips to quieten yourself would be needed if you really want to learn to be the kind of person who speaks less and listens more, which again is an art few possess.

    I think when you quieten your mind, everything else falls into place. You speak slowly and with a soft voice, which again people have to learn to practice as it’s not easy for everyone to do that.

    Thanks for sharing. Have a nice weekend :)
    Harleena Singh recently posted..Anger: Why You Feel It And What To Do About ItMy Profile

    • Hiten
      Hiten06-24-2013

      Hi Harleena,

      I hope you’re enjoying your vacation and I really do appreciate you dropping by! Thank you.

      I’m really glad you could relate to this one. I too like you consider myself to be a quiet person. I loved what you said about quiet people being ‘wise owls’. There’s a lot of power in being quiet and communicating when necessary. It gives us more time to enjoy being in the present moment, also.

      I hope people who want to become quieter, find this post useful. Just like quiet people at times work on making themselves heard, the same works for people who might consider themselves, to be too loud.

      Have a great rest of the week, Harleena! Thanks a lot for commenting. I really do appreciate your support!
      Hiten recently posted..How to Be a Quiet PersonMy Profile

  2. Oluwaseun Babajide
    Oluwaseun Babajide06-23-2013

    Dr Hiten,
    For someone to be successful in life, you have to take more time before responding to others or appreciate the views of people. By getting this right, it will bring more respect and more business!
    I am a quiet person, I always listen to other’s views and let them get their words in.
    Quiet people are more easier to approach than aggressive people.
    I always try not to speak unnecessarily. I agree with all points!
    Thanks for the share, I enjoyed it!
    -Seun
    Oluwaseun Babajide recently posted..Six Ways to Get Closer to Your ManMy Profile

    • Hiten
      Hiten06-24-2013

      Hi Seun,

      What you wrote in your comment was just brilliant, my friend!

      As you fantastically stated, in order to be successful in life, we need to take time to pause and listen to other’s views, and respect them too. Indeed, as you also stated, doing so will increase people’s respect towards and also make it more likely for people to buy from us too.

      Like you, I’m also a quiet person. I can really appreciate you wrote about quiet people being easier to approach than aggressive people. I certainly find this to be true as well.

      Many thanks for leaving such a great comment, Seun and for sharing your views on this area.
      Hiten recently posted..How to Be a Quiet PersonMy Profile

  3. Trevor
    Trevor06-24-2013

    Unfortunately, in western society today the extroverted personality type seems to be the ideal. Gone are the days when we’d admire the strong quiet type. Nowadays it’s all about BIG personality and BIG egos. Those who understand the value in reflection and consideration are deemed “pushovers” or “submissive.”

    Such a shame.

    There’s great power to be found in quiet reflection. Something the common loudmouth will never know.

    Cheers!
    Trevor recently posted..Harnessing Pavlov’s Theory to go from Worrywart to a Fucking SuperheroMy Profile

    • Hiten
      Hiten06-24-2013

      Hi Trevor,

      You wrote such an interesting comment. As I was writing this post, I too considered how society in general seems to appreciate the extroverted personality, and how quiet people can get looked down on, as if there is, something wrong them.

      Indeed, as you rightly said, that is great power in quiet reflection. Many thanks for commenting, my friend. I’ll see you over at your blog shorty.
      Hiten recently posted..How to Be a Quiet PersonMy Profile

    • Onder Hassan
      Onder Hassan06-26-2013

      I agree with Trevor,

      My ex girlfriend broke up with me because she thought my introverted nature was due to being shy lol

      But the truth is, it’s the people that have excellent communication and people skills that are able to get by in life.

      So i’ve had to consciously learn how to be a better communicator and being more extroverted in order to become more successful. It’s helped me with job interviews, my relationships and with my friends and family.

      The reality is, we need to market ourselves to others in order to move forward and it’s very really the case if you stay quiet as you’re likely to get overlooked by the ones that are out there and in your face. I know that for a fact as my cousin is very much like that and has achieved much more than me financially and is a year younger than me :)

      • Hiten
        Hiten06-26-2013

        Hi Onder,

        Many thanks for sharing your experiences of this area. You are spot on. In order to become successful in life, one really does need to learn how to communicate effectively. It’s essential.

        Like you, I too had to learn how to change to being more extroverted. Such changes in characteristics really are fascinating when we experience them for ourselves, because so many people still believe it can’t be done!

        Thanks so much for leaving such a great comment full of such brilliant advice!
        Hiten recently posted..How to Be a Quiet PersonMy Profile

      • Trevor
        Trevor06-27-2013

        Hey Onder, I totally hear what you’re saying. But I don’t believe communication is a skill reserved only for the extroverted. Us introverts can communicate just as well. Perhaps a bit differently, but effectively nonetheless.

        Where extroverts are masters of small talk . . . of easy conversation and laughter, introverts are masters of deep conversation. Connection. Insight.

        We have our strengths and extroverts have theirs. But communication itself takes no sides. We don’t have to become “more extroverted” to fit in. We don’t have to pretend in order to communicate well. We just need to be aware of our own inclinations. Our strengths and weaknesses.

        Our truth.

        If we can accept our introverted nature — and appreciate it for what it is — we can learn to communicate in ways that benefit from introversion. And believe me, there are many of them . . . you only need open your eyes.

        Cheers!

  4. Shalu
    Shalu06-24-2013

    These are great tips on how to listen and stop talking to much. It has happened to me in the past. The ideal thing to do is to speak carefully and listen to what others are saying.
    I don’t think I am a quite person and I do like to speak my mind but it can be seen as someone who talks rubbish all the time. Nowadays I try to listen and react less.
    Thanks for these tips to help becoming quieter.
    Shalu recently posted..5 top tips to enjoy traveling during the magical monsoons in IndiaMy Profile

    • Hiten
      Hiten06-24-2013

      Hi Shalu,

      I’m so glad you liked the tips in this post! It’s great to get your view on this topic, especially as you don’t consider yourself a quiet person. It’s great that these days you are trying to listen more rather than reacting quickly.

      I appreciate your sharing your experiences in this area and many thanks for your comment. Thanks for your support.
      Hiten recently posted..How to Be a Quiet PersonMy Profile

  5. Jon Mertz
    Jon Mertz06-24-2013

    These are some spot-on points, HIten. Another one is to ensure you are asking more questions than what you are answering. Engaging conversations involve questions. We need to embrace our curiosity and use it, especially in engaging with people who have more quiet characteristics.

    Being self-aware, being mindful are key ways to interact and engage anyone and we need to do it whenever we can.

    Thanks! Jon
    Jon Mertz recently posted..Interview with Megan Emme, Social LeaderMy Profile

    • Hiten
      Hiten06-24-2013

      Hi Jon,

      I’m glad you could appreciate these points. I thought that so much emphasis is placed on helping quiet people be heard more (all good things of course). However, it also works the other way for extroverted people wanting to slow down a little.

      I loved the additional way you shared, which one can use to become quiet. I can definitely resonate with what you wrote about asking more questions than answering. This is a good benchmark that person can use to help themselves quieten down.

      The point you made about self-awareness also got me thinking. Both quiet people and those who are not so quiet really need to become more mindful in order to develop the capacity to behave in different ways, which may not come as naturally to them.

      Many thanks for your brilliant comment, Jon. Your support is greatly appreciated.
      Hiten recently posted..How to Be a Quiet PersonMy Profile

  6. SJ
    SJ06-24-2013

    Dr Hiten,

    Some great tips here. I think it is important for many people to listen more and talk less. Real communication is a two-way street, and far too often people are only talking and deciding what they’re going to say next when it should be listen. Your guide on how to be a, “quiet” person are some excellent tips on being the type of person who listens more effectively.

    SJ
    SJ recently posted..27 Strategies for Breaking ANY Bad HabitMy Profile

    • Hiten
      Hiten06-24-2013

      Hi SJ,

      Welcome to the blog!

      I’m so glad you liked the tips in the post! What you wrote in your comment about it being important for people to listen more, and talk less, is brilliant and I totally agree.

      As you quite rightly said, communication is a two way thing and not just one person doing all the talking and the other just listening.

      Thanks for leaving your great comment, SJ!
      Hiten recently posted..How to Be a Quiet PersonMy Profile

  7. Razwana
    Razwana06-24-2013

    Pausing before speaking! Yes! give yourself time to THINK, people! And you come across as being more thoughtful/intelligent, too !

    So back in coaching school, I was taught the power of silence to allow someone to work through their thoughts. But what about people that simply MUST fill in the silence, and literally do not stop talking? I’d love to hear what advice you have to deal with this situation, Hiten?

    – Razwana

    • Hiten
      Hiten06-25-2013

      Hi Razwana,

      Indeed, you’re right. By pausing before speaking, we come across as calm and collected. Pausing can be very powerful. One just has to watch the speeches of great public speakers to witness how effective pausing can be.

      It’s great that you were taught the power of silence! I wish everyone was taught this.

      Your question about people who must fill in the silence was very interesting, because I used to be one! The way I dealt with this and have made a lot of progress, is by just becoming comfortable with silence. When in a conversation if there is a pause, I resist the urge to say something. It takes practice and effort. One issue with this approach is that at times, the pause then makes the other person feel awkward!

      Thanks for your great comment and sharing your experiences of this area. I appreciate you adding so much more to this post, Razwana!
      Hiten recently posted..How to Be a Quiet PersonMy Profile

  8. Alice Chan
    Alice Chan06-25-2013

    As a card-carrying introvert, I have no trouble being quiet. :-) However, whether introvert or extravert, human tendency is to respond before we fully hear what others want to say. We all hear through our own filters and biases. That’s where the tips you laid out in this article come in handy. We all can learn to be better listeners and curb our reflex to respond. As always, I appreciate how practical your posts here are. Thank you for, once again, offering very specific tips to help us be better communicators!
    Alice Chan recently posted..Soul JourneyMy Profile

    • Hiten
      Hiten06-25-2013

      Hi Alice,

      Thank you for your wonderful comment! Like you, I too don’t have any trouble being quiet! What you wrote about it being a human tendency, for both introverts and extroverts, to respond without listening properly is very true. Learning to stop reacting so quickly is applicable to both of these types of personalities.

      Thanks very much for leaving your great comment, my friend. I really appreciate your support!
      Hiten recently posted..How to Be a Quiet PersonMy Profile

  9. Vishnu
    Vishnu06-25-2013

    Hiten, I feel like this post was written for me. Some of my faults are not listening very intently and wanting to speak, instead of listen. Although I’ve realized one can learn SOOO much more listening. I especially need to stop interrupting people. Not sure if I want to be a quieter person but I do want to be a more considerate, kind and attentive person. You provide great tips to practice that!

    • Hiten
      Hiten06-25-2013

      Hi Vishnu,

      It’s so wonderful to see you here, my friend! I’m so glad you could resonate with this post. I love this feeling when I read something and it’s really got to me at the right moment!

      I think the issue of not listening as intently as we could is a tricky one for a lot of us. I have to constantly check myself, to ensure I’m doing this when I’m interacting with people and that I’ve not drifted into my own thoughts.

      I’m so glad you could appreciate the tips in this post and I hope you’re having a good week!
      Hiten recently posted..How to Be a Quiet PersonMy Profile

  10. Suhas
    Suhas06-25-2013

    Hi Hiten
    Sorry for not visiting your blog for a long time. I am sorry because I like your blog and your posts published here.
    Being quiet person is something I always wished. I think that quiet people are not easy to understand, so they get real mental attention of others.
    In my childhood I thought that being quiet person is essential for success but due to my profession I never actually could be a quiet person as I always thought.
    I am going to try to be quiet and calm, rather much composed in future.
    Your tips are simple but not very easy to implement.
    Thanks for sharing these tips.
    Suhas recently posted..The Web Mastering skills that a blogger needsMy Profile

  11. Hiten
    Hiten06-26-2013

    Hi Suhas,

    There’s no need to apologise, my friend. I really do appreciate you dropping by whenever you can!

    Many thanks for sharing your experiences of this area. Indeed, quiet people in general can be misunderstood by society, I feel. Some of the most confident and successful people were/are introverts.

    It’s great to hear you’ll be experimenting with being quiet. Many thanks for commenting, Suhas and for adding so much more to this post.
    Hiten recently posted..How to Be a Quiet PersonMy Profile

  12. meetrupaligarg
    meetrupaligarg06-27-2013

    Hi Hiten,

    Intetresting artticle, Being a quiet person shows your gentleness with a gentle spirit and a calm attitude to life. I dont know i m a quiet person or not but i always try to speak less nd let other finish. But if i have any issue i share it with my close friend. We can put our thoughts into writing also without expressing them to others.
    Thanks for Sharing…
    meetrupaligarg recently posted..LG revealed the price of lg Optimus L4 II DualMy Profile

    • Hiten
      Hiten06-29-2013

      Hi Rupali,

      I’m glad you found the article interesting and thanks for leaving your wonderful comment.

      In particular, I really appreciated the positive characteristics you stated that a quiet person can have, such has having a gentle and calm approach to life. Many thanks for sharing your experiences with being quiet and sharing the additional tip that people can use, namely writing down their thoughts. This is excellent!
      Hiten recently posted..How to Be a Quiet PersonMy Profile

  13. Mary Stephenson
    Mary Stephenson06-29-2013

    Hi Hiten

    This is one thing I have no problem with. I am always the quiet one, probably TOO quiet! I am learning how to talk more. But I always feel if one is quick to blurt out words and they are not well received, you can’t take them back. Better to think through what to say before speaking. But some that are so eager to speak they don’t listen to what is being said to them and already have their answer if they would just only listen when someone else is talking.

    I like to pick my words carefully, sure there have been times that I have said somethings that were not well received, but I like to keep those times to a minimum.

    I have also discovered that most people never really want your opinion, even if they say they do. They would really only want it, if it was positive. Better to dodge that question if at all possible.

    But your post would be very helpful to those who are afflicted with a “motor mouth”.

    Mary
    Mary Stephenson recently posted..Contemplating The Power of FearMy Profile

    • Hiten
      Hiten06-30-2013

      Hi Mary,

      Many thanks for sharing your experiences of how you’re learning to talk more. It’s great how you take a little time to pick your words before saying them. This is a brilliant way of making effort to formulate a thoughtful response. Absolutely, we all will say things at times that won’t be as well received as other times.

      What you wrote about most people really only ever wanting a positive opinion is true as well. Unfortunately, those unable to take negative feedback will find it difficult to truly make any progress in actually growing as a person.

      Many thanks for your great comment and for adding so much more to this post, Mary. I really appreciate it.
      Hiten recently posted..How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs about Your CommunicationMy Profile

  14. Dan Black
    Dan Black06-30-2013

    I consider myself and personality type to be a quite person for the most part. For a time I thought that was a bad thing, since I saw many successful people always wanting or needing to talk, I’ve learned though the value of listening and being quite. Great post and thoughts.
    Dan Black recently posted..How to Find Your Strengths to be an Exceptional LeaderMy Profile

    • Hiten
      Hiten06-30-2013

      Hi Dan,

      Just like you I would consider myself to generally be quiet and I also used to believe this was a bad thing. What really helped me to shift this belief was when I actually began to find leaders and successful people who were quiet yet had created massive change in the world.

      Thanks so much for sharing your experiences of the area and for leaving your great comment!
      Hiten recently posted..How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs about Your CommunicationMy Profile

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