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How To Build Confidence

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“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Confidence isn’t something elusive that is only available to those who you perceive around you as having it. You too can build confidence. Read the following tips to find out how:

Do you what you fear

When you continue to do the same activities in your personal and professional life that you’ve been doing for a long time, you’re not building your confidence.

You improve your self-confidence when you do an activity you’ve never done before and the thought of it makes you a little nervous. Such activities (e.g. public speaking) are the exact types that will help you to boost your confidence.

Continue doing what you fear

It’s highly likely you’re going to be a little unsure of how an activity that makes you uncomfortable will work out. However, your confidence will grow with time and doing the activity again and again.

Therefore, you need to continue doing what you find challenging until you feel your confidence beginning to increase.

Trust me. You will know the feeling when you experience it in your body.

Change your thoughts

You can certainly increase your confidence by changing what you think about yourself. An easy way to do this is to actually see yourself being successful at an activity or being a certain way in your mind.

By creatively imagining yourself being successfully and saying “yes” to living the life you want, you command your mind to go out and take the necessary action.

Read self-help books

By reading self-confidence books, you give yourself tools to guide you in improving yourself.

The right types of books can provide you with a source of motivation and focused confidence building exercises, which you can practice in your time.

The practice element of reading is critical. Reading without action is just intellectual stimulation. However, by putting into practice what you read, you initiate your personal growth.

Write down how your life will improve

By building your confidence, how will your life improve? What areas of your life will improve? How will your relationships improve? Write these down so that it is crystal clear how being more confident will help you.

Write down the consequences of not building self-confidence

Also, write down the consequences of you not working on your self-confidence. How will your life stay the way it has been? Will your life become worse? Write down your answers and use these as motivators to initiate the action you need to take.

The alternative is to face the consequences of not taking action, and I’m sure you don’t want to go there.

Model confidence

I’m a personal fan of modelling success. I’ve talked about it on a number of occasions and as it’s important, I will mention it again.

Other people have already developed their confidence in areas, which you want to improve in. I’m not talking about famous people either. I’m talking about your friends, family members and colleagues; namely those people you see in your everyday life.

Observe them, their actions, and their words in certain situations. Take this even further and ask them what they are thinking and believing when they do tasks.

Once you have this information, imagine you’re in the shoes of that person and do what it is you know will build your confidence.

My friends, it’s over to you:

• What other ways, tools and techniques can we use to boost our confidence?
• Please share your valuable views, experiences and thoughts in the comments box below.
• Please also share this post on your favourite social networks. Thank you.

About Author

Hiten VyasI am a Life Coach, Author & Speaker. Early on in my life I have experienced extreme amounts of fear and anxiety because of difficulties due to stammering. This pretty much crippled all aspects of my life. I entered the self-development field in 2003, and since then have changed myself into a successful individual. It is now my passion to help you overcome your own difficulties, and assist you in living the life you want and deserve. I'm the author of the eBooks entitled How to Deliver a High Impact Speech for Beginners, Lessons in Unassuming Leadership, How To Present With Confidence, Mindfulness Meditation For Everyone, Confidence With Women - How To Approach and Talk With Women, How To Overcome Job Interview Anxiety, How To Cold Call With Confidence and Say No To Exam Stress. All my eBooks are also available from Flipkart and Rockstand.in. I'm also the Founder and Managing Editor of the online magazine eBooks India.View all posts by Hiten Vyas →

  1. Dan Black
    Dan Black12-03-2013

    Powerful post, Hiten!!! I’ve personally found that my personal growth (Reading self-help/leadership books is a part of that) greatly boosts my confidence. It’s amazing to learn about he stories of other people who have achieved success, it’s truly inspiring.

    • Hiten
      Hiten12-04-2013

      Hi Dan,

      It’s wonderful to see you my friend, and many thanks for your empowering comment! What you wrote about how self-help and leadership books help to boost your confidence is brilliant! I can so connect with what you said about this.

      Indeed, you’re so right. For me too, one of the greatest things about such books are the inspiring stories we read about others achieving success. It is so motivating!

      Many thanks for adding to the discussion here, my friend. :-)
      Hiten recently posted..How To Build ConfidenceMy Profile

  2. Harleena Singh
    Harleena Singh12-04-2013

    Hi Hiten,

    You said it all so well that there’s nothing more to add to this :)

    Yes indeed, we do have a time when we tend to lack confidence and that happens again, due to various reasons and affects our work, relationships and us too.

    However, you can build your confidence and self-esteem by working on yourself, just as you mentioned. Fighting your fears IS the best way because you do what you feel you cannot do, and that’s one reason why you lack confidence too. Going fully ahead and doing it – helps. Yes, changing your thoughts is how the whole process actually should start because you change yourself only when you change your thoughts, is’t it?

    Reading self-development books helps a great deal. Or even simple things like speaking to yourself in-front of the mirror, the kind of self-talk which can make you feel good about yourself and tell you, yes – you can do it. I used to do that when I was young :)

    Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead :)
    Harleena Singh recently posted..9 Ways to Cope As a Single ParentMy Profile

    • Hiten
      Hiten12-04-2013

      Hi Harleena,

      What you wrote about how we at times lack confidence is very important. Confidence can fluctuate and no one can be confident all the time. Therefore, it’s always useful to be kind to ourselves when we’re not feeling as confident as we would like to.

      Absolutely, as you say, fighting our fear truly is the best way to increase our confidence. We can use all the tools and technique in the world. However, it ultimately boils down to facing our fears head on. Indeed, as you quite rightly said, a switch in our thoughts can be very liberating as we use our thoughts to serve us, rather than being governed by those thoughts that make us feel bad.

      I loved what you wrote about self-talk. I usually say out my favourite affirmations when I’m driving in the morning on the way to work!

      Many thanks for adding to the discussion, Harleena! Much appreciated. Hope you’re having a great week! :-)
      Hiten recently posted..How To Build ConfidenceMy Profile

  3. richmiraclefiles
    richmiraclefiles12-04-2013

    Hi Hiten
    You amke an important point there about continuing to do what you fear to build confidence.I think that’s extremely crucial for emboldening ourselves.
    Confidence is the offshoot of a lot of progressive action,however arduous that may appear.
    The easiest thing to do for anyone is to not work.When you don’t act you are unlikely to make mistakes ,or fail.The fear of failure and unrequited results is the greatest dissuader cultivated by a weak willed mind.
    Success does not run out for the diligent.Success always comes to those who keep at it,those who whole heartedly expect it.Success doesn’t elude those who work hard ,day after day with the same intention,those who remain operational always.You only have ti like your work and be committed to.

    Thanks
    Mona
    richmiraclefiles recently posted..30 Super Ideas To Raise Your Energy And Stay PositiveMy Profile

    • Hiten
      Hiten12-04-2013

      Hi Mona,

      I just loved what you wrote in your comment, my friend. As you quite rightly said, confidence is the output of the action we take. We need to take action that challenges us to increase our confidence. Indeed, as you said, not doing anything is the easiest option. However, the easiest option probably has the most negative future consequences, as we don’t make any progress.

      Ah, what you wrote about success coming to those who expect it, is truly inspiring! I got a shiver down my spine reading your words about this! Absolutely, success will always follow those who persist diligently.

      Many thanks for leaving such a wonderful comment, my friend!
      Hiten recently posted..How To Build ConfidenceMy Profile

  4. SJ Scott
    SJ Scott12-04-2013

    Great stuff Hiten. Confidence is so darn important. Success and all other good stuff come from having a confident and positive attitude.

    I used to lack a bit of confidence. One of the things I have always done is an offshoot of your #1, #2 (Do what you fear)

    It is “Fake it til you make it”.

    While I do not think you should try to be “someone else” we are all our unique selves, I do think that if you lack confidence trying to emulate people who you think are confident and at ease in the situations you dread is a good way to go about facing your fears.

    The thing I have found is that when you do this “faking it” enough it becomes easier and easier and soon enough you realize you really are comfortable and easy in the situation you once dreaded.
    SJ Scott recently posted..Cyber Monday Tools: 9 Devices to Help Change Your HabitsMy Profile

    • Hiten
      Hiten12-04-2013

      Hi SJ,

      I just loved what you shared about your experiences with increasing your confidence through using the “fake it until you make it” approach. Like you, I too have had great success with this approach. There seems to be two camps when it comes to this approach within the personal development community. Many people say it doesn’t work. I wholeheartedly believe it does through my experiences.

      I can really appreciate what you wrote about emulating people who are confident. This approach really does work. It’s another tool we give ourselves to help us increase our confidence. Indeed, as you say, after “we’ve faked” it for a while, the previously difficult activity becomes so much easier.

      Many thanks for adding so much more value to this post, SJ! Hope you’re having a good week. :-)
      Hiten recently posted..How To Build ConfidenceMy Profile

  5. Kevin Cole
    Kevin Cole12-04-2013

    Your point about doing what scares you is so accurate. The more you do things that scare you, the more confident you become at handling life’s problems.

    On top of that I’ve found it’s important to recognize all the successes you have in a certain area and use that reference experience to fuel your confidence forward.

    Great thoughts man.
    Kevin Cole recently posted..How To Be Successful At AnythingMy Profile

    • Hiten
      Hiten12-06-2013

      Hi Kevin,

      Many thanks for sharing the additional way we can use to help build our confidence. As you quite rightly said, it is so important to remind ourselves of our previous successes in order to propel us forward.

      Thanks very much for adding so much more value to this post, Kevin. Have a wonderful weekend.
      Hiten recently posted..How To Build ConfidenceMy Profile

  6. Susan Neal
    Susan Neal12-04-2013

    Great advice, as always, Hiten. I think the last point is one of the most powerful – for example, just walking tall, having a confident stance, smiling etc. – making those physical changes can really help to change the way you feel.

    I think it’s also helpful to keep reminding ourselves that we’re unique and to value our own individuality – we often start to lose confidence if we compare ourselves unfavourably with others to whom we feel inferior.

    As you say in the post, we often need to change the way we think, challenging that negative self-talk that damages our self-confidence. Also, as I think you’ve talked about in a previous article, visualising yourself succeeding can be very helpful.

    Thanks for another great post, Hiten :)
    Susan Neal recently posted..How Keeping a Journal Transformed My LifeMy Profile

    • Hiten
      Hiten12-06-2013

      Hi Sue,

      I’m really glad you enjoyed the post, my friend!

      You made such an excellent point in your comment about having the right physiology. As you say, having the right posture and walking tall can do wonders for our confidence.

      Absolutely, I can resonate with what you wrote about appreciating our individuality and to resist from comparing ourselves to others. It is always better to measure our personal growth through comparison to ourselves.

      Indeed, negative thoughts and beliefs can be such powerful factors in holding us back. It’s important to learn how to overcome these, which can really us increase our confidence. Yes, visualisation is definitely related to this. We have the ability to use our imagination properly when we consciously entertain pictures and movies in our minds that will serve us.

      Many thanks for your wonderful comment, Sue! Have a great weekend! :-)
      Hiten recently posted..How To Build ConfidenceMy Profile

  7. Jeevan Jacob John
    Jeevan Jacob John12-05-2013

    For fears, I try to visualize them as my friends – friends who will help me to strengthen myself. This attitude really helps to build the confidence necessary to go through my challenges (with facing my fears).

    As for other methods, I have used inspirational quotes and music (music, particularly is very powerful; I like listening to Hans Zimmer’s work from Inception, Batman Trilogy and Man of Steel :D).

    I haven’t tried writing down how my life will improve and the consequences of not building confidence. I’ve got to try both of these methods.

    Thank you for sharing the insightful thoughts, Hiten :) Appreciate it! Hope you are having a good week :D

    • Hiten
      Hiten12-06-2013

      Hi Jeevan,

      What you shared about visualising fears as friends is truly wonderful. I’ve never looked at it like this and many thanks for sharing. It’s wonderful that this approach helps you to build confidence!

      Indeed, I too love inspirational quotes in particular. It’s amazing how words expressed in the right way have the powe to completely reverse the way we feel! :-)

      Thanks very much for adding so much more to this post, Jeevan! Have a wonderful weekend! :-)
      Hiten recently posted..How To Build ConfidenceMy Profile

  8. Jon Mertz
    Jon Mertz12-05-2013

    Great tips and idea, Hiten, in how to gain confidence. Another way is to join a community of supportive people. With Meetup groups and social communities, there is a great mix of opportunties to find a group in which you can interact with and gain strength from. Just the fact that you are engaging with a community will strengthen your confidence. Thank you. Jon
    Jon Mertz recently posted..Craving LeadershipMy Profile

    • Hiten
      Hiten12-06-2013

      Hi Jon,

      I’m so glad you liked the tips in the post, my friend.

      I really do appreciate you sharing the additional way to build confidence; namely through joining up with supportive people who are on similar journeys to us. This is so important, isn’t it? It is such support networks that as you say, help us gain confidence. There also act as amazing support when we’re facing particular challenges, because others in the group(s) will have gone through what we’re experiencing.

      Many thanks for adding so much more value to this post, Jon. Have a wonderful weekend!
      Hiten recently posted..How To Build ConfidenceMy Profile

  9. marquita herald
    marquita herald12-05-2013

    Brilliant advice as always Hiten. I am also an advocate of self-help books but I know many others who are not. Personally I believe the reason so many people experience little in the way of actual help from these tomes is they approach the reading looking for some short cut or magic formula, never taking the time to really consider each chapter and bit of advice. The truth is there are few short cuts in life and creating meaningful change – like becoming more confident – takes time and the willingness to become more self aware. Thanks for the inspiration!
    marquita herald recently posted..Strategies to Make the Most of Holiday Charitable Gift GivingMy Profile

    • Hiten
      Hiten12-07-2013

      Hi Marty,

      I could really resonate with your comment, my friend. I agree there are certainly many people who would not think about reading self-help books, and many others who do, might be looking for a quick fix, which as you say doesn’t exist. I think the same is for other self help tools such as audio lessons and online programs. When people use these with the attitude that they are looking for a quick fix, they will be disappointed.

      It’s better to as you say, approach self-help resources with the understanding that change takes time.

      Many thanks for your wonderful comment, my friend. Hope you’re having a good weekend!
      Hiten recently posted..How To Build ConfidenceMy Profile

  10. Chris Bailey
    Chris Bailey12-06-2013

    Awesome list man! Something that has made me a lot more confident in myself and my abilities is to take the more difficult path, and do the harder thing. It’s frustrating and exhausting at first, but I think the returns of taking the harder path when I’ve had the energy to do so is what has compounded the most for me over the last few years!
    Chris Bailey recently posted..The top 10 lessons I learned about productivity being a complete slob for a weekMy Profile

  11. Pankaj
    Pankaj04-12-2014

    This is the right way how we can build confidence. Doing the thing by what we fear most. Nice post and again thanks for sharing this.
    Pankaj recently posted..Download Whatsapp for Windows 7/8/8.1My Profile

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