In the beginning it was thought to be me, the uneducated one, who was unable to speak because I was not currently in school. Although I wasn’t able to specify what it was I could not back myself up, also because I had to speak to do that. I could speak, but my words were limited, as I would stammer, or stutter if you want to call it. The reality of it is, it was something totally against my will, totally unpredictable, why did I deserve to be going through this? It was thought that I needed speech therapy, and I never ended up even getting that, I guess because it was no longer a consideration for some reason. I never had an action plan before, back then, my parents just thought of things. Some of it was up to me though, but I didn’t know what to do with myself. A lost man in a lost world I was.
I used to be a perfect speaker before I started isolating myself, I could easily talk out loud in front of anyone, sometimes saying things I shouldn’t have, completely by accident. I totally miss this kind of ability; I just want to go back to that time again. Who would have thought nervousness would control the way you talk to people in social situations. When we’re socially competent we think that we are who we are, and nothing can change the way we act, socially. We misunderstand those who aren’t on par with our own standards of ourselves. So when I was in that mindset, and then gradually changed over to someone who is quiet through environmental circumstances, of course I’m not going to know what to do with myself.
Many things were to blame by my parents and other professionals, but I knew deep inside that I couldn’t just all of the sudden go from speaking perfectly to sounding like an uneducated punk kid. School was something I looked forward to before, something I wanted to attend just to socialize with friends. I woke up every day with that feeling. And to be truthfully honest the reason I dropped out is because I slept in, was this something that I chose? Well it was an addiction. I slept through school for two weeks. Then I get a call from the school saying I had to drop out. So I had to take home school, and I did not have the motivation to do the work. It just was not the same as high school. I got glued to video games, and so I ended up isolating myself long enough due do those environmental circumstances that I just became socially phobic of social situations, without knowing what Social Anxiety was. And this caused me to stutter.
Eventually I went back to high school against my will, and the first day I had troubles socializing, and making eye contact, etc. People would ask me questions and I would say something and just break up in my words. They would say “you’re confusing”. And so down the road I ended up working, despite not finishing my grade 12, and I then got used to people more and figured out the more I got used to them I was able to speak more clearly because of confidence. I later on went back and finished my Grade 12 and got my diploma. And stuttering is less of a problem for me now; it really just depends on the situation and who it is. But it all proves to be because of something else that I knew all along was the cause. Speech therapy was definitely not the answer. And someone else I know who suffered with Social Anxiety and overcame it actually considered speech therapy too. But at least I can say we all tried some things to get rid of a problem that tears our lives apart, socially.
About the Author: Joe is a person who has experienced stuttering or stammering as a part of having Social Anxiety. He’s committed to overcoming his Social Anxiety as it was something that was against his will, but inspired by God to get free and out into the world where he belongs, as it is the struggle within. He spreads his word about his suffering experiences and his hierarchies reached in overcoming his unfortunate disorder. You can read more about him at his blog Living With Anxiety (http://www.livingwithanxiety.net).