Five Personal Development Steps To Building A New Level of Self Awareness

Note: This is an amazing guest post written by Kath Roberts. Please show this brilliant lady some love!

Self awareness is both underestimated and frequently exaggerated. Many people like to believe they are self aware yet fail to practise these five critical steps.

Step 1 Pay Attention.

One of the most essential and necessary parts to personal growth and development is the importance of staying 100% focused.

Think about it, when was the last time you paid attention to the taste of the food you were eating for lunch?

How often do you sit eating a meal without distraction from what’s on the TV?

Equally, how often do you go about your daily tasks distracted by feelings regarding your life, your relationship or perhaps lack of one, needs and desires, or just being fearful about what might come to pass?

When your thinking subsides for a moment a space of stillness arises within you, bringing a doorway into your being.

Most of us live in a world of constant mental abstraction, conceptualisation and image –making. In this world of thought we’re immersed in a continuous stream of mental noise and internal chatter.

We think about all our problems.

We think about all our past pains.

We ponder all our uncertainty for the future.

We think about how little time there is.

We think about doing more and booking our next holiday just to escape from it all and get some peace!

We lose ourselves in a frenzy of doing, then thinking, then more doing and anticipating and the more we do the more complex our world gets and the more we choose to suffer as a result.

So follow the first step, make intimate friends with the present moment. When you don’t allow yourself to be possessed by your thoughts or distracted by your gadgets you’ll find things around you gain a certain “newness” and “freshness” to them. The quality and depth of life returns and we begin to appreciate the beauty of nature and the small things in life that bring a certain richness like the smile of a stranger or the kind word of a colleague or just a walk with the dog.

Step 2 Learn To Speak The Truth.

When you do this, irrespective of the fact that it tends to be in our moral code, you align yourself with an amazing power. Passing along gossip is not necessarily speaking the truth. Words, believe it or not, have power and so vigilance over what you say, both to yourself and others, is imperative if you want to personally  grow.

When you can speak about your own inner experience your words bring you in closer union with others. We all love authenticity and sincerity in others because it’s such a rare commodity in public and professional life these days. We feel better about ourselves when we speak truthfully and we become seen as someone who can be trusted. Truth builds self esteem like nothing else and as you become more aligned with your real authentic nature, others will relate to you more.

When we are in a position to follow our hearts first then engage our heads in any decision-making process, we open up a channel for honest engagement. Think of it as your soul speaking directly to you, which is always more loving and kind.

Step 3-Get Clear On What You Want.

Many people never even get past this step because they fail to give sufficient time and focus to getting clear about it. The majority of folks live in a state of constant fear, focussing their attention instead on what they don’t want and then wondering what happened when life reciprocates those thoughts beautifully by providing the physical evidence.

Be specific and learn to verbalise and write your goals down in the present tense, imagining as you do that they’ve already been achieved. Many people know this but very few people do it.  It makes all the difference to a successful outcome, combined with all the other steps.

Making your needs and wants known is a necessary process of manifesting them.

Step 4 Lose The Victim Tag

No one causes you to feel bad other than yourself. We can’t always avoid life’s ebbs and flows and this means stuff happens that we don’t always want but we always get to choose how we want to respond. Blaming others for what happens to you is a cop out. When we seize blaming others for our self created experience we begin to see reality with an entirely new perspective. We literally get a quantum dose of personal growth.

Victims are helpless and you are the master of your destiny and the captain of your soul as the saying goes.

Think about it, what’s the difference between 2 identical twins, both raised in abject poverty, identical family circumstances, both get the same standard of education and attention from their parents. One goes on to become a self made millionaire and social philanthropist, whilst the other remains in the local neighbourhood turning to drug selling and crime as a means of thriving.

It comes down to choice and responsibility for ourselves but if you want to live a more fulfilling existence, free of guilt and full of positive life affirming experiences then you need to take full responsibility for your experience. That starts in believing it’s all possible and then learning to love and respect yourself enough to choose personal growth and doing the right thing over ego satisfaction and outside influence.

Step 5 Always Keep Your Agreements

When you set an intention to keep your agreements you begin to recognise how much harmony or disharmony you  are creating. In a nutshell when you don’t keep your agreements with yourself and others it becomes a heavy burden to bear. You fall into the trap of not liking or trusting yourself very much then speaking harshly to yourself, all leading to a cycle of excuses, disappointments and the dead end road to regrets.

Don’t let that happen to you!

Practise these 5 steps continuously and you’ll be well on your way up the self imposed mountain of limitations, expanding your horizons, self awareness and consciousness to view panoramic delights of transformative proportions.


Your turn

  • Please share your valuable experiences and thoughts in the comments box below.
  • How have you increased your own self-awareness to help you improve your life?
  • Please also share this post on your favourite social networks.


Kath Roberts is a life and business coach, internet marketer, blogger and midlife rebel. She spent 13 years in recruitment at a senior level assisting others with building their careers and identifying top talent for her clients and her own business and now she’s advocating  flying solo, being your own boss and creating inspired work, the stuff that lights you up. Her unique talent comes from her love of personal development, coaching and a desire to inspire others. She’ll help you find yourself, then be yourself then find the work you love to do. She is an energiser, a ray of positivity and a guiding light in an ocean of possibilities that’s because she’s living her purpose. You can find her at: or

  1. Hiten — thanks for bringing us some excellent content here!

    Kath — really enjoyed this post. All five tips are valuable; I should work especially hard on paying attention. I didn’t really taste the lunch I just ate because I was reading this post. I’d blame that on you, but that would violate Step 4.

    For me, self-awareness also grew when I started getting candid feedback from other people about my behaviors. Turns out my tendency to focus intensely on getting things done made me seem remote, disconnected and uncaring at times to colleagues and family. Have spent the past year really working on turning that around.

    1. Thanks for your comment Stephen, you raise an excellent point-self awareness and being open enough to ask for and receive feedback. Without this its like playing in the dark and as you rightly point out leads to complete misunderstanding.
      Funny that we all focus on getting our words right etc yet 55% of how we’re perceived is through our physiology so just by really listening to another and being present for them we can totally change their perception of us.

    2. Hi Stephen,

      Many thanks for supporting Kath! I’m really glad you liked her post. When I first read it, I thought it was brilliant.

      Indeed, when we stop blaming others, it can be extremely empowering. Not only do we take responsibility for what we are feeling, we also put the power back into our hands to stop the blaming in the first place, as we now have a choice.

      It’s great you took on board the feedback you received from others, and began to change.

      Thanks for commenting Stephen. It’s great to see you, my friend. 🙂

  2. Hello Hiten & Kath,
    5 very vital steps that you have outlined here…will certainly help us get places. Thankyou
    be good to yourselves

    1. David…your words are totally appreciated,bless you for taking time out to drop us a line here.

    2. Hi David,

      I totally agree with you. The steps Kath has laid out have the potential to take us to great places. Like with anything, one needs to first read the principles, and then make a conscious decision and make the effort to practice what has been internalised in the real world.

      Thank you so much for your comment. Your support is greatly appreciated.

  3. Nice post Kath and glad that you got her over Hiten!

    Yes indeed, these are wonderful steps for building our personal development.

    Remaining focused is so important and something that I learnt to do with the help of meditation that helped me a great deal, or else the mind wanders and easily tends to get distracted. I guess it helps best to remain in the present the NOW and not really venture into the past, nor think ahead of the future or what might be.

    And yes, you need to lose the victim tag, and instead learn from your mistakes and failures that would eventually lead you to success.

    I guess what matters most is that you learn to evolve as a better person by going within your inner-self and realizing what are the things that you need to work on that will help you build a new level of self-awareness.

    Thanks for sharing. 🙂

    1. Harleena,I’m so glad Hiten gave me the opportunity to guest blog here…what a great community of folks!!
      I agree meditation is fantastic for quietening the mind….what’s that saying, ‘sometimes you have to lose your mind to come to your senses’.
      My approach to mistakes these days has totally changed, if I ‘m not making em I ‘m not progressing and growing.
      I concurr the power is all on the inside not out there.

    2. Hi Harleena,

      I was thrilled to have Kath guest post over here! 🙂

      I agree with you, my friend. Each of us can do ourselves a big favour by turning inwards and exploring what ‘lies in there’, in terms of understanding why we have the experiences we do.

      Meditation is probably the single most effective way to really get to the roots of human experience, and create space to allow old hurts to heal and develop the resources needed to make positive changes in our lives.

      Thank you very much, for sharing your valuable views on the areas discussed by Kath in her post.

      It’s great to see you here, as always! 🙂

  4. Hi Kath,

    Nice!!!! This says a lot, ” Truth builds self esteem like nothing else”. When we are honest with ourselves and others, we begin to like ourselves more every day.

    Being a victim will not make for happiness or good self esteem. To me it is having a pitty party and pitty parties should only last for 5 minutes and than you have to move on. We are what our thoughts are and whene we learn that and change our thoughts and self talk to positive life changes.

    Thanks for the reminder, they are something that we can all use daily.
    Blessings to you Kath and thanks Hiten for letting Kath speak, and blessings to you also.

    1. Hi Debbie….I love that concept of the pitty party and I will use it, too for 5 mins!
      Truth is incredibly hard but when we have an ability to become an observer of our thoughts and emotions, by appreciating what’s coming up for us in our bodies, we can move ourselves up to the balcony, so to speak, to become our own self witness.
      Anything less than love is a self limiting belief around fear…fear of not being good enough, loved enough,having enough etc..all ego driven needs. When we can focus and live from our values these beliefs begin to fall away.
      Sounds like you’re well on your way to mastery.
      Blessings to you too.

    2. Hi Debbie,

      I loved your ‘pitty parties’ concept. 🙂

      I agree with you, my friend. These should be very short and we should move on.

      The way we talk to ourselves has such a powerful impact on how we feel. Learning to become conscious of those unhelpful words we say to ourselves (which we have been saying unconsciously), and then training ourselves to say better, more empowering sentences, will slowly begin to reverse the process. We begin to feel confident and better.

      The next thing to do is to use these positive feelings, and take some type of action in the real world.

      Blessings to you as well Debbie. Have a great weekend. 🙂

  5. Hi Kath and Hiten,

    I love all your steps, but “Lose the VIctim Tag” jumped out at me. I had a point in my life where I took on the victim role occasionally. I would spend a good amount of energy blaming others and not taking responsibility for myself. When I look back at that time, I realize what a waste that really was. When we accept who we are and take responsibility for our lives, we move forward, and don’t get stuck spinning our wheels. Thanks for sharing your great tips!

    1. Cathy, Thanks for your comment.That’s the warrior spirit in you!
      Once we move past blame, guilt,fear etc all lower level consciousness there is nothing we’re incapable of achieving. Here’s to your success.

      1. Hi Kath,

        I loved the way you described blame, guilt and fear as being lower levels of consciousness.

        It is exactly this! When we develop more wisdom inside us and of what is happening around us, we begin to gain higher levels of true consciousness.

    2. Hi Cathy,

      Its great how you can look back those times where you played the ‘blame game’ and appreciate now how much energy was wasted in doing so.

      This is a perfect example of personal development in action!

      Just like you, “lose the victim tag” was a very liberating step in my own growth. Why blame others when we can take complete responsibility for our actions and for the way we feel? When we blame we give away too much power to others.

      Thank you for sharing your experiences and for supporting Kath! 🙂

  6. Spend extra time at the beginning of the year to build a classroom environment that promotes peacemaking and unity. As children feel comfortable with themselves and each other, they participate more successfully in other aspects of learning.

    1. Jared-That sounds like a very fulfilling remit. I have said now for a few years if we can sort out how to educate our youngsters in a more enlightened way, how we look after our wise elders in a more compassionate way and how we undertake big business in a more sustainable way then we’ll be well on our way to creating a society where we can all thrive rather than merely survive. I commend you on what you’re doing.

    2. Hi Jared,

      Your idea of developing areas in schools, which promote peacemaking and unity, is brilliant!
      I wish schools would do such things. It can only be for the benefit of young people.

      Thank you for commenting! 🙂

  7. Wonderful post! Any one of those steps would bring huge benefit. The one that jumped out at me was the victim step. This is so critical and we so often don’t even hear the victim language we use. “You make me so…” “If you would only….” “Why did you do that to me?” and so on. There is some powerful wisdom in this post. Thank you!

    1. Pleasure Galen and thanks for your comment. We only do stuff to ourselves don’t we…everything changes when we finally wake up to this truth.

    2. Hi Galen,

      It seems like many of us can relate to the victim step!

      I do agree with you, my friend. All the steps Kath has laid can lead to tremendous benefit.

      If I find myself slipping into this type of victim mentality, I remind myself of the following:

      I’m responsible for my behaviours.

      I’m responsible for my emotions.

      I’m responsible for my thoughts.

      Thanks for your great comment, Galen! It’s fantastic to see you here. 🙂

  8. Hi Kath and Hiten,

    Hiten, this is a really great guest post.

    Kathy, congratulations. what you mention is so true.

    “It comes down to choice and responsibility for ourselves…” : The victim tag plays a huge role in our personal development.

    Thank you for all the advice you provide us here. I think I will bookmark this post and come back every time I forget some important points you notice.

    have a great WE 🙂

    1. Pleasure Lenia…They are my 5 commandments these days and principles I try and always live by, they have made me a better person in so many ways but its a work in progress and I ‘m not perfect !

    2. Hi Lenia,

      Thank you for supporting Kath! 🙂

      Yes, Kath’s post is one of those, which we can come to again and again when we are feeling a little unresourceful to help us bounce back again. There is timeless advice in her post.

      Thank you for commenting and dropping by, my friend.

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